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WhaleOilBeefHooked
Jan. 9, 2004
Another Friday
Psychiatric
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All
the news that fits. WhaleOilBeefHooked |
Dateline Jan. 9, 2004 Another Friday |
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Nude man pulled from chimney on ChristmasMINNEAPOLIS (AP) — A naked man got stuck in the chimney of a bookstore early Christmas morning. Don't worry, it wasn't Santa Claus.The 34-year-old man was treated Thursday for bruises and abrasions at Hennepin County Medical Center after being found naked and lodged in the furnace flue at Uncle Hugo's Bookstore. He was expected to be charged with attempted burglary on Friday. "He was lucky," said police Lt. Mike Sauro. "He was only stuck in that chimney for a few hours. It's kind of a happy ending, because if he had been in there until that store opened Friday morning, it's my judgment he would have died. "He doesn't appear to be a hard-core criminal, just stupid." Police suspect that the man was drunk when he climbed atop the one-story building and removed all his clothes to help squeeze into the chimney. He then started to slide down the 12-by-12-inch chimney shaft, Sauro said. "He's not Santa Claus," Sauro said. "He's a really skinny guy. And he's lucky he didn't get cooked." The man told police that he entered the chimney about 1 a.m. Thursday to retrieve keys he accidentally dropped down the shaft. A passer-by called police around 9 a.m. Thursday, after hearing screams for help coming from inside the store. Firefighters broke into the chimney with sledgehammers and freed the man. "The store is pretty well torn up," said owner Don Blyly, who came in Thursday to hang up signs for a sale to begin Friday. "This is not what I came in here for today, but that's what I have to deal with."
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| Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the
middle of it. ~P.J. O'Rourke For every man there exists a bait
which he cannot resist swallowing. ~Friedrich Nietzsche |
Fruitcake-eating champ crowned in BuffaloBUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) - A 105-pound professional eater was crowned Fruitcake Champion Tuesday after downing more than two kilograms in 10 minutes and beating her nearest competitor by a single bite. With paramedics on standby, Sonya Thomas swallowed 2.2 kilograms of the ubiquitous holiday fare. "My jaw is very tired right now," she said after outeating 405-pound Eric (Badlands) Booker of Long Island by about 3.5 grams. The contest, believed to be a first, was sanctioned by the International Federation of Competitive Eating and kicked off Buffalo's New Year's festivities. Despite her size, Thomas, 36, is no lightweight on the professional eating circuit. She's eaten 43 tacos in 11 minutes to claim victory in the World Champion Chicken Taco Eating Contest. She also holds the female world record for eating 24 hot dogs in 12 minutes and for eating 68 hard-boiled eggs in eight minutes. Booker of Long Island, who holds title to pea-eating and corned beef hash-eating contests, said there were no hard feelings after his close second. "There is no agony of defeat in this sport," he said, nevertheless blaming his loss on a miscalculation on the amount of hot coffee he'd need to wash down the cake. Booker swigged from plastic foam cups between frenetic bites shoved into his mouth with alternate hands. Thomas' approach was more methodical: She chomped down on and shoved in larger slices with both hands, taking little time to chew. "This is much tougher than it looks," said contestant Gary Pufpaff, a bulky Buffalo radio host in his first eating contest. He managed to consume only about 400 grams - washed down with eggnog - to finish last in the five-person field. Jim Reeves of Buffalo and Matthew Daniels of Syracuse, finished third and fourth, eating one kilogram and 700 grams, respectively. The contest capped a "fruitcake amnesty campaign," during
which people were encouraged to send their unwanted
fruitcakes to Buffalo to be eaten and distributed
to the hungry. The campaign highlighted a holiday
food drive for the Food Bank of Western New York. |
This
Just In To give away to good owner. Answers to the name spot. Quiet, house trained, will not scratch furniture.
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| Who among us hasn't envied a cat's ability to ignore the cares of daily life and to relax completely? ~Karen Brademeyer Too
much time on his hands Department:Subversive ATM Firm sells out of Turkey & Gravy flavour fizzy drinkA US fizzy drinks manufacturer has issued an apology to its customers after failing to keep up with demand for its new product - Turkey and Gravy soda.
Seattle-based Jones Soda Co says the response to the festive flavour has been "incredible" and the firm will be "better prepared to meet everyone's needs next year." A spokesman said: "We apologise if you were not able to get your hands on the Turkey & Gravy Jones Soda. Since this was a premium edition with limited quantities in Michigan and Washington region, we sold out pretty quickly. We ask for your continuous support and give our other flavored soda a try." The firm's President, Peter Van Stolk, said: "We were completely caught off guard by the response to the Turkey and Gravy soda. The company has been inundated with phone calls and emails since the launch." Jones Soda Co says the drink has been such a success that it will give all proceeds to a children's charity. Story filed: 12:08 Thursday 8th January 2004 POP QUIZ: In the song "The Joker," by Steve Miller what is "the pompatus of love"? |
In our endless search for the amusing, we invite you to send in your comments, questions, criticisms,or true storys by using the link below.
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Did you ever open the dictionary right to the page you want?
Doesn't that feel good?-George Carlin
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